Welcome to Motherhood Voices.
My Journey As A Divorced Single Mother and The Wind Beneath My Wings
Oneinspiredmum: Good day ma’am. We are so excited to have you here.
Guest: Thank you. I am glad to be here.
Oneinspiredmum: Firstly, we have some quick fire questions we will like to ask you. Here we go.
1. What book are you currently reading?
Guest: Currently I am halfway through my Masters Degree in Education. I am currently reading books based on Emotional & Behavioural attitudes of students expelled from main school in the UK, as this is the focal point of my thesis.
2. Who or what inspires you?
Guest: Travel, Teaching, Geography & Professional Development in Education are my prime motivators.
3. What does motherhood mean to you?
Guest: So many things, firstly my family set up is very democratic, as I believe the voice of children have to be heard and not drummed down. I believe in choice, freedom to choose careers, activities and life events and the parents should be a guide and not forcefully imposing ideas on children.
I believe children should be free, confident and have the ability to discuss issues with parents. I engage in sex talk with my children ages 25/19 and this gives them a sense of empowerment.
Oneinspiredmum: Thank you Ma for taking out time to answer these quick questions. Once again, I am glad to have you here and I appreciate you for taking out time to share your story with us.
1. Can you tell us about yourself?
Guest: My name is XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX. I am 55-years old and a mother
of two grown-up daughters, ages 25 and 19. My oldest daughter graduated from Art School in Holland and my youngest daughter is in Aviation School in the UK.
( For confidential reasons, we have decided to take out our guest’s name as requested by her. I stated to my interviewees when I contacted them, that you can choose to be seen or remain anonymous and I will surely respect that choice.)
2. Can you share with us the background of your story?
Guest: I am a single parent and I left my marriage to raise my daughters single-handedly fifteen years ago, when my husband refused to get a job and wasn’t pulling his weight around the family.
I have no regrets walking out of my marriage, which was the best thing I ever did. My daughters are grown up and both forging ahead with their careers, with an inbuilt resilience to tackle life head-on.
3. At what point did you decide that your marriage was really over.
Guest: I knew my marriage was over when my husband refused to work and I was the sole breadwinner for the family
4. How did your children take the news of your divorce?
Guest: It was very hard for my eldest daughter who was 10-years old when he left. My youngest was 4-years old and still has very little recollection of him.
5. What was the immediate effect of your divorce on your children?
Guest: The breakdown of a marriage isn’t easy for any partner, but one builds up resilience in the face of difficulty. The most important thing is for a woman to be economically viable and determined to bounce back.
6. Do you feel bad that your children did not grow up in a ‘normal family setting?
Guest: Not at all. I think the resilience and strength has helped them find their path in life and the past experiences will enable them to know the kind of man they would want as future partners.
7. Did your children’s father support you financially after your divorce?
Guest: Nope, I did everything from scratch. Living in the UK, my eldest daughter had a part-time job during her ‘A’ Levels which helped me financially to whether the storm. Both of my daughters have worked to support themselves and develop their self-worth.
8. How long have you been a single parent?
Guest: 15 years and no regrets
9. What has the journey been like for you as a single parent?
Guest: Very tough emotionally, as a woman, we infuse into marriage and when the man leaves, one has to be determined to recover emotionally. I’m glad I could find myself after 5 years, which I am lucky I did.
For other women this isn’t possible and the guilt of a failed marriage has killed most women emotionally. I was determined that I wouldn’t let a failed marriage destroy my emotions, hence I took to travelling for the last 20 years and I’ve never looked back.
10. What is the relationship like between your children and their father?
Guest: Nothing much. He last saw them 12 years ago and the rest is history as he doesn’t contribute to the children’s lives.
11. How have you been able to deal with the mental, emotional, financial and sexual pressures that comes with being a single parent?
Guest: As I said, I believe every woman should have a job and I have engaged myself in so many activities in the UK. In my spare time I’m a choral-singer as I have a passion for classical music.
I enjoy travel, in which I engage very frequently and I am a member of countless Travel/FB groups. I have a keen interest in aviation. I love aeroplanes. And for the sexual pressures, once you can conquer it within yourself, one is free.
I’ve met a few Nigerian men, but nothing to write home about and my daughters have asked me to consider dating men from other races which is a good idea in my opinion.
12. Did you ever feel bad about your children not having their father always in their lives?
Guest: Not one bit. As he has not achieved anything in 15 years since he left.
13. How did you break through that dark season of your life to find purpose and meaning again?
Guest: I’ve always been a strong-willed determined and a go-getter person from childhood.
14. Who or what has been your support system as a single mum (I like to call this the wind beneath your wings)?
Guest: My parents have been very supportive, my brothers and also a few friends. My parents never blamed me for the decision I took, they felt as long as it was in my own best interest and for the sake of the children.
15. Can you share with us some lessons from your journey as a single mum?
Guest: Determination, never loosing sight of one’s personal philosophies, have an in-born vision, be flexible but stick to your guns.
16. In what ways do you advise that we show real and practical support to divorced single mothers.
Guest: Be a listening ear to single mothers and divorced women. The African church hasn’t done well in the respect of single women, as the church condemns and blames the women. In the UK, the Catholic Church I attended was very supportive. I was never seen as an object of blame and I was welcomed with two hands.
17. What is your relationship like with your children?
Guest: We are more of sisters, they call me by my first name and I am happy with that. I give them the opportunity to soar in whatever they desire to achieve.
18. Any plans to remarry?
Guest: Not really, but definitely not a Nigerian.
19. What can you say to that newly divorced mother of 4 who is losing it mentally and breaking down emotionally?
Guest: Never loose sight of who you were before marriage. If you need to step back from the world to find yourself, make sure you do so. Never stop loving your children and do not take the frustration out on them.
20. Your final word to everyone.
Guest: Travel if you can and never stop evolving.❤️
Oneinspiredmum: Thank you Ma for sharing your story with us. We appreciate you.
Guest: Thank you for having me.
Did you get a lesson or two from our guest’s story?
Or perhaps you are strengthened and encouraged by her story.
Please share your thoughts with us in the comment’s section or feel free to reach out to us via the contact segment of the blog.
Love and light.