Welcome to Motherhood Voices.
Our guest today, Eno Vwaire will be sharing with us on the topic, ‘HOW I OVERCAME THE SHAME OF AN UNPLANNED PREGNANCY WHILE IN THE UNIVERSITY AND MY JOURNEY TO BECOMING.’
Good day ma’am.
We are so excited to have you here.
GUEST: Thank you. I am glad to be here.
Firstly we have some quick fire questions we will like to ask you.
Here we go.
1. What book are you currently reading?
GUEST: Tons of educational articles from an online repository. I am also reading short and insightful entrepreneurship books and books on IT/business management
2. Who or what inspires you?
GUEST: Too many things and people to count. I have met many incredible people in my years of travel.
3. What does motherhood mean to you?
GUEST: Motherhood means mentoring. It means replicating the values I have, with even greater features in the lives of my children and others.
It is also about enjoying the rewards of emotional ties and the fulfillment that comes with it, which cannot be compared to anything else in the world.
Thank you ma’am for taking out time to answer our quick fire questions.
Once again, I am glad to have you here and I appreciate you for taking out time to share your story with us.
1. Can you tell us who you are?
GUEST: My name is Eno Vwaire and I am proudly Urhobo, and just in case you do not know, Urhobos come from Delta State in Nigeria. I am a mother, an entrepreneur and a lover of God.
You definitely cannot seperate me from business and ministry which is a core aspect of being. I’m the CEO of Bruchii Consultancy Limited, a business support outfit with a huge focus on the MSME sector.
I am a Business/Life performance Coach and also the Visionaire of Chayil Women Network, a platform for praying women with a vision to impact, mentor and empower women spiritually and economically.
2. Can you share with us the background of your story?
GUEST: My story is about my journey to seeking emotional security to obscurity onto recovery and then to discovery.
I’ve been through it all, just think of it! I have shaped and moulded by my experiences. But I have come out stronger and I am helping to shape others with these experiences. Praise God!
3. What was your first reaction when you discovered that you were pregnant?
GUEST: Okay. My first reaction was CONFUSION. I wasn’t too sure about what the future held for me. I was not prepared for it too.
4. Who did you call first to share the news with?
GUEST: I called my closest girlfriend back then in school.
5. Did your child’s father readily take full responsibility for the pregnancy?
GUEST: Honestly, initially it was war from his end. I perceived tribal reasons as the root source of this war. He eventually did take responsibility.
6. At what point did you decide that you were going to keep the pregnancy?
GUEST: I decided from the very first day to keep it after I discovered that I was pregnant. I guess out of fear of dying ‘under the knife’. There had been a prophesy from years before of not making it through an abortion. So I was wary of taking the risk of going for an abortion.
7. How did your parents take the news of your pregnancy?
GUEST: Surprisingly, they were very calm though disappointed. I think they knew that it was better to give their support through it all, so they do not lose on all sides.
8. Share with us the series of events that followed and how you survived that season in your life.
GUEST: So I was in my 200 level when this happened. Coming from a broken home, I had sought everywhere to get the peace I needed until pregnancy happened.
We were not prepared for it. He was in his 300 level then and not financially independent as such. Trust me, this kind of situation brings out the worst side in people even if they are in love. Too bad if they do not have true feelings for you.
I faced rejection from some friends because I had resolved to go through school with my condition notwithstanding. It was settled by both families that a baby was coming so everyone was fine. Though that brought about the end of my romance with my son’s father sadly.
I got the emotional and financial support from my parents. My close pals made sure I was comfortable in school. But I had to live through stolen glances and finger pointings anytime I walked on campus. I was tagged the girl who wanted to tie a fine guy down with pregnancy. Some even spread rumors then that I had blown my tummy so he could marry me.
There were so many ridiculous speculations about my condition, that when the gist eventually did hit my ears, I would be like …ehenn! (forgetting that I was the subject of the gossip). I also learnt new things from it all, like never knew what blowing one’s tummy was until then. (LOL)
I also developed thick skin and ignored all the rumors and hostility. I had a horrible temper and smile. Yes, rejection can turn you into something else. But then I forged on. It took a toll on my studies but I got it going however.
I was in class this day and in labor the next. I had my son while on campus during an active academic session, nurtured him in school (he became a school darling) until he was weaned. My mum took over from there. I faced my life with a resolve to make it up to my family for the disappointment and shame.
9. How did you handle the mental and emotional pressure of an unplanned pregnancy, while you were studying to get a degree?
GUEST: I had to stay focused and shut out all the negativity. It wasn’t easy but thank God for few supportive friends. Some even indulged my cravings (long throat) during my pregnancy, because it was huge. LOL. But you have to do what you got to do. I still wonder till date where the courage at that time came from.
10. How did you deal with the stigma, shame and rejection that comes with being a young unmarried mother?
GUEST: Like I said earlier, a few supportive friends helped me go through that season of my life. My parents also helped a lot. God bless their hearts. They did their best to support me. I just developed thick skin, that’s all.
11. Did you feel resentment towards your child at any point?
12. What has the journey been like for you as a single mother?
GUEST: Honestly, you reminded me that I am a single mother. My son became the last born of the family, you’ll hardly even know that I gave birth to him. I just continued with my studies and after my mum took my son, I kept working hard to improve myself, learn new things and build a life that my son and family would be proud of.
My entire family was super supportive. Sometimes they forget that I gave birth to my son. Let’s just leave that boy for now, he is everybody’s own. LOL! Thank God for everything.
13. What is your relationship like with your son and his father?
GUEST: The relationship between I and my son is nothing short of amazing and quite cordial between I and my son’s father. I do understand that my son needs his father in his life, so I’ll be the last person to deprive him of that relationship.
14. Can you share with us three lessons you learnt from that season of your life?
GUEST: These are the lessons that I learnt from that season of my life.
i) Nobody can love you better than you love yourself.
ii) Forget about distractions and focus on your life goals, dreams and aspirations especially your education.
iii) There is time for everything.
15. In what ways do you advise that we show real and practical support to a young girl with an unplanned pregnancy.
GUEST: This question is the reason I got motivated to respond and agree to this interview. Hopefully, a lot of mothers will get to read this. You see, LIFE HAPPENS WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT and it is okay to feel disappointed as parents with a child who got pregnant. But you must be very careful not to over- react. I am super glad that I got a lot of support from my parents. This support and encouragement fueled my desire to fight and make up for the disappointment I had brought to our family.
And I can tell you for free that, if you do not give the necessary support to your daughter, you will be the one who loses out at the end. Whoever put your child in the family way will most likely, have life going on well for him. He will move on very quickly. But your mismanagement of your own child’s situation can put her future in jeopardy. I pray we do not experience this kind of temptation, but then if it comes, please provide the necessary support for your child and be there for them.
16. How did you break through your pain and shame to find your true-self and calling?
GUEST: Thank God for support from family and friends, I got over it quickly because of determination. I made up my mind to make them all proud, my son, family and all who cared for and looked out for me. And today, I am glad about who I have become. I am also a very spiritual person and I drew strength from communion with God. It was not easy at all. Life still has a way of bringing challenges your way but then, I have always come out of each difficult season a stronger and better person.
17. What would you tell that young girl who has gotten pregnant and is confused about what next to do with her life?
GUEST: I would tell her that this is not the end of the world and her future.
You still have a very brilliant future ahead of you. Remain focused, connect to the right sources and people and keep your head held up high. It is a phase of your life that will pass but remember that your attitude towards the situation can mar you for life if not checked.
18. Your last word for everyone.
GUEST: Tough times do not last my friends. One thing you should know is that the devil will never go after empty vessels. So understand that you may be faced with some current challenges in your life because of the grace that you carry. You are a carrier of destiny. Be bold and whenever life gives you lemons, make tasty lemonade out of it. The power is in you.
Oneinspiredmum: Thank you ma’am for sharing your story with us.
Guest: Thank you for having me.
Did you get a lesson or two from our guest’s story?
Or perhaps you are strengthened and encouraged by her story.
Please share your thoughts with us in the comment’s section or reach us to us in the contact segment of the blog.
Love and light.