Welcome to Motherhood Voices
HOW I OVERCAME MY PAIN AND HEALED AFTER LOSING MY CHILD
Oneinspiredmum: Good morning ma’am. We are so excited to have you here.
Guest: Thank you. I am glad to be here.
Oneinspiredmum: Firstly, we have some quick questions we will like to ask you. Here we go.
Quick fire questions
1. What book are you currently reading?
Guest: Right now, I am taking a course on project management.
2. Who or what inspires you?
Guest: Positive results and a show of gratitude.
3. What does motherhood mean to you?
Guest: For me motherhood is sacrifice, though sometimes I wish it was not.
Oneinspiredmum: Thank you Ma for taking out time to answer these quick questions. Once again, I am glad to have you here and I appreciate you for taking out time to share your story with us.
So over to our Main Questions.
1. Can you tell us about yourself?
Guest: My name is Oluwadamiloju and I will be 50 -years old in two months. I was born into a family of five children. I have laid my hands on so many stuff at different stages of my life.
I have done banking, home making, buying and selling, cleaning services and I now do project management. I have been married for 20-years, and I am blessed with two living children (I hope it is right to put it that way 🤪).
( Sometimes, for confidential reasons, I take out my guest’s name if requested by her. I stated to my interviewees when I contacted them, that you can choose to be seen or remain anonymous and I will surely respect that choice. If the guest agrees, her real image will be used, if not the blog author uses free images available.)
2. Can you share with us the background of your story?
Guest: Where do I start ? Hunnnn….
She was a girl, a year and five -months old and my first child. It happened on a Friday evening in the month of September 2001. We were involved in a car accident while trying to escape from armed bandits.
3. How did you take the news of the death of your child?
Guest: All I wanted to do was to see her body, which I did. Though the nurses never wanted me to because of my physical condition, but I found a way around it without them knowing. Looking back, I was very calm.
4. Did you at any point feel like you could have done things differently the day she died?
Guest: Yes of course. When I woke up that morning, I was missing my daughter so much, even though she was sleeping right beside me. And then, I asked myself, why this sudden strong feeling. But I could not answer the question.
If I knew what I know now😢, I could have held on to her tightly and I am sure the Holy spirit could have helped pray the right prayers.
5. How did you walk through that painful season of your life?
Guest: Hunnnn….How did I walk through that season? Thinking back right now, the first few weeks after her death, I could not cry. Don’t forget that I was involved in the accident too. My wrist was broken, I had broken teeth and about four stitches here and there.
I have to come out clean. In those few weeks, (I do not know how this will sound to anyone), I was always thinking about how stressful bringing up a child was and those thoughts kept me going.
6. Did the loss of your child bring you and your spouse closer as a couple?
Guest: No, I became withdrawn because I had so many stuff going on in my head. Don’t forget that we were much younger then, though he was always there to support me.
7. How were you able to deal with the emotional pain that comes with the loss of a loved one, especially when it is a child?
Guest: It was the WORD OF GOD THAT HEALED ME. After about six weeks, the reality set in and the emotional pain started. Ohhh…all my friends had moved on, but there is always a friend that never leaves us alone, he is the HOLY SPIRIT and he was ever present with me.
8. Should couples tell their other children about their older sibling who passed away before their births? Why?
Guest: In my opinion, yes, especially when they are old enough to understand. Do not forget that they might come across pictures or documents of their late sibling. Also, we must live by example. If we do not want our children to hide stuff from us, then we should demonstrate same.
9. Who and what was your support system in your season of grief?
Guest: My husband, my parents, my siblings, my in-laws, the church, my neighbors, friends and colleagues at work.
10. What are those things that you did to help you heal during your season of grief?
Guest: Through a friend, I started attending a church that was not my home church, and the miracle of my healing started. Every service was always about me and for me.😀
11. Some people say losing a little child is easier to handle than losing an adult child. Do you agree with this statement?
Guest: Well, I did not l lose an older child, but I guess the pain is the same. But remember that the memories are more with an older child.
12. Does a mother really ever get over the loss of a child?
Guest: Yes, or should I say I did.
13. What helped you most in overcoming the pain that came with your loss?
Guest: It was on a lonely week day, all alone, I wept and wept and wept. I was in deep pain. I could not be comforted by the all Word of God I had learnt and had been taught. What a day!
Suddenly I heard an angry voice or should I call it a voice of chastisement- SO I SHOULD HAVE LET YOU DIE INSTEAD OF HER. ARE YOU SURE YOU WOULD HAVE MADE HEAVEN?
That day started a new beginning in my life. I never mourned again. If tears 😢 came out of my eyes, it was because I missed her or remembered her, as I am doing right now. But I no longer mourned her death.
14. Can you share with us some life lessons from that season of your life?
Guest: Life is a gift from God, and it is only Him that can preserve it. So do not handle your life as if you own it, instead stay glued to the one that truly owns it.
15. What words or counsel do you have for families or couples currently dealing with the loss of a child?
Guest: In this part of the world, where there are no institutions specifically built to deal with such challenges, I will suggest that you make good use of what we have. Fix your eyes on God for strength, spousal support if available.
Also support from family, friends, church, mosque etc. But never forget that you know your true friends in times of adversity. So do not add disappointment from friends and family to what you may be going through. IT WILL SURELY PASS. IT IS JUST A STAGE IN ONE’S LIFE.
16. I once heard a woman say, ‘Forget about the dead child and move on’. Did you forget about your child, like she was never once a part of your life?
Guest: That is not possible, he or she will always be part of your life as long as you live. But you can always move on like she said. I guess I should say this, it might encourage someone out there.
God healed me totally such that I cannot remember the specific date my daughter died. I can only remember the month and year. I have never asked my husband or my siblings for the date and I will never ask. I only remember her birthday every year. WITH MEN THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE ; BUT WITH GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.
17. In what ways do you advice that we show real and practical support to families who are grieving the loss of a child?
Guest: What worked for me might not work for others. But most importantly, apart from prayers, family and friends must always be available not necessarily physically, to talk, chat, play and do whatever makes the individual happy. NEVER EVER SURROUND YOURSELF WITH PEOPLE THAT SPEAK NEGATIVELY.
19. Your final word to everyone.
Guest: I pray that this type of affliction will never come your way, but if it does, NEITHER BLAME GOD NOR QUESTION HIM, JUST ASK FOR ABUNDANCE OF GRACE TO CARRY ON.
Oneinspiredmum: Thank you Ma for sharing your story with us. We appreciate you.
Guest: Thank you for having me.
Did you get a lesson or two from our guest’s story?
Or perhaps you are strengthened and encouraged by her story.
Please share your thoughts with us in the comment’s section or feel free to reach out to us through the contact segment of the blog.
You can also reach out to us, if you feel that you have a story to share. We will be excited to share our story.
Love and light.