Welcome to Motherhood Voices – How I am Coping With The Pain of Losing an Adult Child
Our guest today is Thelma Animasahun.
Oneinspiredmum: Welcome ma’am. We are so excited to have you here.
Guest: Thank you for the opportunity.
Oneinspiredmum: Firstly, we have some quick questions we will like to ask you. Here we go.
Quick fire questions
1. What book are you currently reading?
Power of a Praying Wife – Stormie Omartian
2. Who or What inspires you?
My Mother
3. What does Motherhood mean to you?
Sacrifice
Over to our Main Questions
1. Tell us a little bit about who you are and what you do?
My Name is Thelma Animasahun. I am a mother of three lovely girls (but now two), a lover of God and humanity and a daughter of the Most High God. I studied Psychiatry & Social works which I believe opened up my heart to care more and have compassion for the less privileged. And with God helping me, I always ensure I look out to help those in need in my own little way.
For many years now, I have consistently spent every Easter and Christmas season giving to the less privileged and challenged in my community. From food items, to school supplies, clothing and financial assistance – just to put a smile on the faces of children and women that life has dealt a hard blow. I did all of these things through my NGO – Royal Diadem, though it was not registered officially. I ran with the vision and remained consistent through the years, hoping to have it registered in the near future. But little did I know that there would be a twist to this work that I did.
2. Can you give us a little insight into your story?
It all started with her eyes. She used glasses at some point and was always complaining of not seeing things clearly. This led us to the hospital and we were sent to do a series of tests that had to do with her eyes. After which she was asked to do a brain scan. The scan result revealed a tumor in her brain. Well, when I first heard that she had a brain tumor, I was shocked because I never thought such would happen to anyone close to me.
I was scared, and wondered why it had to be her. This is because she had gone through a lot prior to this due to constant complaints. She was booked for surgery and the surgery went well. She was taken to the ICU after the surgery, and surprisingly when we went to see her the next day, she was so happy to see all of us. She hugged us and told me mummy you will properly register (Royal Diadem). This was my NGO. I cried as she was talking.
I don’t know why I was crying, but just seeing her that way after the surgery broke me. And just when we were thanking God for the success of the whole process, she passed away. It is a pain no mother should ever have to go through. It is a pain that never really goes away. I guess it only becomes manageable with time. It will be a year on the 2nd of March, 2026 since her death.
3. How did you first receive the news of your daughter’s passing, and how did you feel at that moment?
I had left the hospital area that morning when her father was called to come to the hospital and the news was broken to him. Then, some close friends came over to the house to break the news of her death to me. I was in a state of shock because I was definitely not expecting such news at that time. This is because she was responding to treatment and was getting better. So, to say that my baby had passed away left me shattered.
Her elder sister was most affected because they were like twins. People always mistook them for twins. They were just a year apart in age. She helped her big sister in her business. They were always together. Then, they attended the same nursery, primary and higher institutions. Her little sister was also affected by her death. They were also close in their own way. Her death came at a time when she was navigating writing exams. It affected her in school so much that her supervisor advised her to see a psychologist.
4. What were the initial reactions you experienced — emotionally, spiritually, and physically?
Like I said earlier. I was in shock, and then the tears came pouring. I really cried because we were very close. She was my look alike. She was only 25 with a whole life ahead of her. I wondered how such a thing could happen to me of all people. You know such thoughts come especially when you have been faithful in your walk with God. Also being that I had been diligent in blessing and giving to support less privileged children and widows through my NGO work. It was really hard. Praying at first became very difficult.
5. How did you navigate the early days and weeks of grief? Were there moments you felt completely lost?
I guess God just helped me knowing the frail state I was in. I cried because I really missed her. I was always sharing pictures and videos of her on my Whatsapp status. I also wondered how my other two daughters were coping without their sister. But I can say that God carried me through those days and comforted me.
6. What are some misconceptions people have about grieving the loss of an adult child?
Some may feel the pain is less because the child is an adult. They believe you got to spend more time or longer years with that child, and you made many memories. Another assumption would be that you should be strong for your other children while suppressing your pain.
But it is never easy when it comes to losing a child whether an unborn child, a toddler or even an adult child. Loss in any form is never easy. To lose an adult child is devastating, because think about the bond and love parent and child have built over the years. I feel it is more difficult to get over that loss and pain. My daughter would have been 26 years old in October last year. She passed away on the 2nd of March.
7. Did you find that certain emotions (guilt, anger, loneliness) were stronger than others, and how did you manage them?
Guilt: I felt guilty and asked many questions. Why did it have to be her? Did I do something wrong to deserve this?
Anger: I was angry with myself. Why didn’t I do something different? Maybe things would have turned out differently if I did things differently.
Loneliness: I felt lonely because a part of me was taken away suddenly and too soon. I also wanted to be alone just to remember the times we spent together.
8. What role did your community, friends, or family play during your loss and grief journey?
I can say that I had a strong support system. The community I lived in, my family and friends, church members all played a major role in helping me walk through that period. They were always coming to see us and check up on us. Those who were abroad were always calling. They stood by us, prayed with us and some even brought food to the house at different times.
9. Did your faith in God or spiritual beliefs play a role in your grief journey/healing process? If so, how?
Yes, my faith in God helped and still carries me through this season. I learnt to go back to praying on my own even though I had people who prayed for me, and others who interceded for me and my family. I also read my bible as much as I could for hope and comfort.
10. Are there practical ways moms can find support or coping mechanisms during such difficult seasons of loss?
Well for me, I was surrounded with love, prayers and music. All of these things helped me. To have the right people sit and listen to you was great support. I can say listening to Christian music and praying was my coping mechanism.
11. Looking back, what do you wish you did differently with your daughter? Any regrets?
I wish I spent more time with her. I wish we took a lot more pictures together.
12. What advice would you give to other moms currently going through this type of loss?
Be calm and take each day as it comes. Even though it feels hard, Pray. Listen to music and be surrounded with a lot of love.
13. How has losing your daughter shaped your life perspective, priorities, or relationships?
Hmm. Time is a gift from God. Make the best use of the time you have with your family and people around you. Call, visit, make out time for the people you care about. Create beautiful memories. You never know when that time you have will be up.
14. Are there ways you honor your child’s memory daily or keep their legacy alive?
Yes, we are keeping her legacy alive. She was very involved in my Charity work. She followed me to our outreaches and always hugged the children in the orphanages and homes we visited. After her death, the name under which my charity work had been functioning had to be renamed after Boluwatiwi, my dear daughter. THE BOLUWATIWI SUPPORT FOUNDATION kicked off immediately. You can follow the foundation here on Instagram @boluwatiwisupportfoundation
We have done an outreach supporting young children with school bags and supplies since her passing. We have also supported widows/single mothers and visited the Modupe Cole Memorial Home here in Lagos. And next month we will be having a one-day seminar on Brain Tumor to create awareness and educate people about brain tumors.
15. How do you continue to find moments of peace or hope amidst the ongoing grief?
I take each day as it comes. I just try to make myself happy and also make time for my other daughters.
16. What would you like moms to take away from your story — a message of hope, encouragement, love, or healing?
Just trust God and put your hope in Him. Indeed it is hard and the pain is real, but I believe God is still God and he knows best. Hang on in faith. This is not the time to turn your back on God. Get close to him. And for your other children, keep showing them love and also let them know how much you care about them.
Oneinspiredmum: Thank you ma’am for sharing your story with us on this edition of Motherhood Voices. We appreciate you.
Guest: Thank you for having me and thank you for the opportunity to share.
Did you learn a lesson or two from our guest’s story? Or perhaps you are strengthened and encouraged by her story. Please share your thoughts with us in the comments section or feel free to reach us via our email –oneinspiredmum@gmail.com
(For confidential reasons, we sometimes take out our guest’s name as requested. They can choose to be seen or remain anonymous and we will surely respect that choice.)
