What makes you a better mother?
Is it about having well-mannered children, a clean and organized home? Or maybe it is about you having great parenting skills that can earn you a spot amongst the league of extraordinary mothers.
Sometimes mothers love to show off their child’s excellent grades, great manners and high level of intelligence in conversation with other moms. She is always quick to tell another mother about how her son’s A+ grades has never dropped since he started school. And how her journey in motherhood has been a smooth ride with no hitches along the way.
This mother almost always paints a perfect picture of her kids and her journey in motherhood. She never gives you a glimpse into the not-so-good side of motherhood. There are the downtimes, the low moments, days you feel overwhelmed and times when you feel like giving up. This is the part the world never gets to see.
Not to forget the challenging seasons of working hard to raise responsible children, the guilt trips and those moments when you feel that you are not a good enough mother for your kids. These are parts of her story you never get to see and hear.
Why Motherhood is Hard
Heather Duckworth said this in her article written here:
” Everyone always tells you the years go by fast, but that harsh reality hits you when you wake up one morning and notice your babies are now adults and your nest is quickly becoming empty. It is a bittersweet time as joy and sadness bind together . . . so happy and excited for them yet so heavy-hearted they are growing and leaving. This, my friends, is the hardest part of motherhood.”
Being a mother can be hard because of the stressful days, sleep deprivation and the challenges it brings into your relationships and life. However, every mother wants to make a deep and lasting impact in the life of her child. And being able to leave a great legacy for her children is one of the most rewarding and fulfilling things a mother can ever do.
Besides, your children will not always be with you. They grow up quicker than we think and will go on to find their own paths sooner than now. The moments you share, the memories you create and the messages of love, hope and faith that you leave in their is what truly matters. So, even though motherhood seems hard, knowing that you are planting seeds in your child’s heart and shaping their destinies with your words and prayers is what keeps you going in the good and bad times.
Did you know that no one joined this motherhood train fully prepared? Motherhood never comes with a special manual. You are on a journey of molding lives and shaping destinies, and there is always room for you to learn and evolve on this motherhood walk. And did you know that you can work at becoming a better mother every single day, and ultimately become the best mum for your children. Here are 5 simple tips to help you become a better mother.
5 Simple Tips to Help You Become a Better Mother.
1. QUIT THE COMPARISON
It is always easier to look at your neighbor’s kids daily routine of school, nap time, reading, bible studies, affirmations, prayers and easily feel frustrated with yourself and your kids.
Moreover, before you know it, you start making side comments to your kids. You begin to say things like, ‘Why can’t you just be as smart as ………. ? Can’t you see my friend’s son and how organized he is? Why can’t you just be like him?
The comparison game kicks off and you begin to measure yourself with that mother’s standard. You want to be like her, have what she has, do what she does and end up draining your children’s emotional tanks with your comparison games.
Quit comparing yourself with another mother today. Every mother is unique and has a special story with her family. And each one of us have our battles, struggles and challenges on this motherhood journey.
Take a moment today and appreciate your uniqueness as a mother. God chose you just the way you are for this motherhood role. Yes, you were chosen specially to be a mother to your child and always remember that no mother is perfect. You learn, grow and are changed on this journey of motherhood.
2. ENJOY THE MOMENTS AND CELEBRATE YOUR SEASONS
It has been more than six years that I first cuddled my daughter after birthing her through a C-section. What made it even more special for me was the fact that she came after a 5-year wait for a second child.
I remember the moment I caught a glimpse of her and how my heart leaped in gratitude. I was in awe of God’s goodness to my family. The very first image of her I shared with the world was a picture of her tiny hands twirled in my hands. This was a great reminder of God’s unfailing love and goodness to me. This was one of many priceless moments in my motherhood walk.
Did you know that time passes quickly? And that your children will not be with you forever. Your journey in motherhood is in seasons. Learn to celebrate every season with your children and get the best out of every moment with them. Play, laugh, tickle, share jokes, cry, cuddle, read and love like you have never loved.
You can use those moments that come your way to teach a lesson, share values and plant good seeds in the hearts and minds of your children. Those seeds will grow to become mighty trees. Never ever say you do not have enough time to spend with them. Remember that someday, the seasons and moments will slip away and all that you will have are the memories you created with your family. Good or Bad!
3. SPEND TIME BONDING WITH YOUR CHILD.
Can you remember how it was when you fell in love with your sweetheart? The dates, cuddles, sweet talking to each other and how you even stole a kiss or two. You were in love and could not stay apart from each other.
If he was not sharing with you stories about his day over the phone, then you were snuggled up in each other’s arms laughing, sharing jokes and telling each other how much you cannot wait to spend the rest of your lives together. Those moments were deep bonding times. The love grew deeper and you got to know each other better.
Those moments helped to shape your communication and relationship as a couple today. Imagine what will happen in the lives of your children, when you choose to ‘date and fall in love’ with them.
“You will never look back on life and think, ‘I spent too much time with my kids.’”-Unknown
Spending time with your children is an important part of your journey as a mother. It is when you spend time with them that you get to know what is happening in their lives. Also connecting with your children requires your full attention, only then will you be able to get clues and pointers into God’s plan for their lives.
Share hugs and cuddles. Snuggle up with them in bed and share jokes or read stories. Play the horse and let them ride on your back. Surprise them and offer to play a game with them and watch their eyes light up with excitement. Hold them close to your heart sometimes and tell them how much you love them and what they mean to you.
Fill up their emotional tanks and let your actions speak of love. Get to know your child and help your child know you more. Create special bonding times and let your child know that they matter. The deep bonds you share and the time you spend together will help shape them into the person they become tomorrow.
4. GIVE IT YOUR BEST SHOT.
” I am done with you. God knows I have tried to be a good parent to you. What else do you want me to do? I have given you everything you needed and yet you pay me back like this. Get out of my home. I am done with you.”
Have you ever heard words like this from a parent who has had it to her neck with a straying child? She has given up and wants nothing to do with her child anymore.
Children will always come in different packages. While many children turn out well in life, others may choose to rebel even with the best efforts of their parents.
I have seen a very spiritual mother whose teenage daughter got pregnant. Their bond was deep, they were very close, but this daughter still made a choice that shattered her mother’s heart.
This motherhood walk is a journey of many parts. It will sometimes come with hitches and you may have to jump several hurdles along the way. The ride may get bumpy at other times. And in some seasons, it will be a journey along smooth terrains. But, you must choose to give it your best shot no matter what road you are on.
There are times when you will feel tired, clueless and overwhelmed on this journey. Take a break to refresh your soul and keep moving. Spend time in prayer and conversations with your heavenly father to get wisdom on how to be a better mother to your children. Seek information and knowledge to help you grow and be a better parent. Make a commitment to mother from the heart and give it all that you have got.
5. MAKE AN IMPACT WITH YOUR WORDS AND THROUGH YOUR ACTIONS.
My husband once shared with me about how that in one of the darkest seasons of his life, his mother spoke deep words to his soul. He said – she quoted one of William Shakespeare’s words and in that moment, courage entered my heart and I walked through that season of my life fearless and unbroken.
There are certain words that we can speak to our children as mothers that can leave a lasting impact in their souls. My mother is not much of a talker but I have watched her maintain calm, hope and great faith in the midst of adversity. She taught me through her own life, the beauty of contentment and the power of hope in stormy waters.
What season are you right now in your motherhood journey? What seeds are you planting in the hearts of your children? And what words are you speaking to them daily.
What lessons are you teaching your children with your life? There are stories of you that your children will share with the world tomorrow. The legacy you want to create in their lives starts with the actions you are taking today. Make a commitment today to make a lasting impact in the lives of your children.
The great Martin Luther King Jr known for the famous, ‘I have a dream’ speech in an essay he wrote at Crozer Seminary, said this about his mother, Alberta King:
“She was behind the scenes setting forth those motherly cares, the lack of which leaves a missing link in life. Of all the people I have ever known, she had the greatest influence on me. I am sure one reason that the Lord has directed and safeguarded me, as well as Ruth and the children, through the years was the prayers of my mother and father.”
Mother Theresa once said:
“If you want to change the world, go home and love your family.” -Mother Teresa
The impact we make in the hearts and lives of our children is the driving force and motivation they need to be a change agent of hope, faith and love wherever they find themselves.
Which of these tips did you find useful?